Compos Mentis
by theverystuffoflife
Summary: [Unfinished two shot] Set S28E42.2, after Fletch's exit. After losing his lover, family and job, in a moment of despair, Adrian Fletcher seeks out his friend Sam Nicholls in Amsterdam.


**This little idea just wouldn't leave me alone after Sundays (brilliant) episode. It's safe to say I was pretty depressed to see Fletch go (though I am a Holby watcher so it's not so bad). I totally placated myself with the unrealistic idea that Fletch would seek out Sam after the train crash and so here it is on paper. This is a two parter bc I wanted to get something up tonight before I changed my mind and deleted it! **

**I'm not a very good one/two-shot writer, multi-chapter is definitely my thing, so please let me know what you thought.**

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><p>It wasn't until Fletch reached the front door of the small apartment, the Dutch moonlight bouncing off the windows, that he really registered what he'd just done.<p>

The night had been a blur, from dragging Tess from the burning train with a strength he never knew he had, and then surpassing that strength by making a choice of which he had no other options, making the choice to walkaway from the love of his life. Then he walked away from his colleagues and friends, from Charlie; the man who'd given him so much, the people he knew were secretly horrified yet seemed to accept his actions so gallantly.

A shocked Zoe, still herself recovering from leaving all she knew behind, didn't even think twice when a tearful Fletch rang her shortly before midnight, asking for Sam's address. She wondered why Fletch assumed she held the young doctors new location in her possession but nevertheless asked no questions. He'd ended the phone call with an emotional thank-you for all that Zoe had done, and she knew he didn't just mean giving him the address.

Unlike the previous hours, his journey to Amsterdam seemed almost effortless. He left with the contents of his locker and the clothes on his back, painfully aware that he was still covered in the smoke that blasted his body as he carried Tess from the train wreckage. He must have looked dreadful, judging by the horrified and sympathetic looks of the passengers who rode with him. Maybe they thought he was army, or a firefighter, having heard some terrible news about a relative. They'd never know how much of a coward he was, at least.

He walked further than he'd ever remembered walking, yet his head was too tangled in the thoughts that threatened to drag him down even further, to care about his blistered feet and his exhausted legs.

The streets were dead, the houses above him sleeping. The roads were bathed in streetlights that illuminated the man as if they were mocking him, showing his failures off to the slumbering Dutchmen. Evie wanted to go to Holland, he remembered. She'd learnt about the windmills and the bikes are school, her childish innocence holding onto a romantic picture of the country. He'd promised her that one day he'd take her, and then he walked away and left her and her siblings, one just a couple of months old, with no father. It was the selfish way out, yet Fletch couldn't help thinking the children would benefit from no longer being in the middle of Fletch and Natalie's rifts, the centre of his biggest betrayal.

By the time he reached their apartment his face was bathed in a mixture of dust, sweat, and exhausted tears. His hands shook as he reached up towards the doorbell, painfully aware he was about to crash into someone else's happiness.

But he had nothing else.

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><p>"Fletch?" Tom croaked as he opened the door, suddenly jolting with shock as he remembered they definitely weren't still in Holby. Why, and how, was Fletch standing at the door to their apartment in Amsterdam? More importantly, why was it at four in the morning?<p>

He took a proper look at the man, his heart suddenly pounding and stomach churning with nausea as he recognised the look in the male nurses eyes. Something was wrong.

"You better come in," Tom said simply, letting the nurse trail behind him into the living room.

Letting the man into the living room, Tom quickly excused himself into the hallway to catch his breath. He turned around to face the wall and pressed his forehead against the cool surface, screwing his eyes up in concentration before opening them again. He most certainly was not dreaming. The fact he now had to rouse his exhausted wife and throw all this drama onto her reminded her exactly why the couple left Holby, yet he couldn't bring himself to be angry at Fletch. The look of desperation in the mans eyes just filled Tom with sadness.

He didn't even have to bother waking Sam, and he felt her cold hand touch his shoulder briefly and he almost jumped out of his skin. He turned to look at the woman, noting her eyes were filled with confusion and concern.

"Who was at the door?" she murmured.

"I think you should see for yourself," Tom replied equally quietly, gesturing towards the living room, "I'll put the kettle on."

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><p>She wasn't even shocked when she opened the living room door to find Fletch slumped on the sofa, head in his hands wearily. She'd received a panicked text from Zoe hours before, just as she climbed into bed after a long shift, informing her that Fletch had called her and asked for the couples new address. Too tired to think about the implications of Zoe's actions and what had happened for Fletch to ask for it, she seemed to unconsciously expect him to eventually end up in Amsterdam soon enough.<p>

Taking the words "clean break" completely seriously, Sam and Tom left Holby without telling a single soul where they were going. After a month, when the couple arrived from Australia into Amsterdam, a homesick Sam finally relented and text Zoe with a forwarding address for some unfinished paperwork. It was almost a relief to tell someone where they were, and for some reason she trusted their ex-boss more than anyone, counting on her to not tell anyone else where they'd gone.

It pained her no end that she'd cut herself off from Fletch, a man who'd offered her nothing but support and occasionally a shoulder to cry on during her final shifts in Holby. Since the man had arrived in the ED only a few months after she did, they'd first confided in eachother over being the newbies who didn't feel like they'd fit in to this close knit group. When he'd arrived, Sam had not long been through a GMC fitness-to-practice trial and promptly decided to divorce her husband. To talk to a colleague who was either oblivious to, or didn't care about her personal situation was refreshing and they hit it off straightaway. Both of their lives had changed dramatically over the 18 months they were both there, and Fletch had held so many secrets that Sam knew nothing about. He'd missed the woman's wedding because he'd been arrested for assault. When she'd asked after him to Zoe when she got back in contact, the clinical lead seemed reluctant to divulge much about his situation and Sam decided it was better to leave him alone.

"Fletch?" Breaking herself out of her thoughts, Sam whispered gently to alert the man to her presence. She did a double take as he lifted his head to look her in the eye. He looked tired, not like he'd just done a night shift tired, but exhausted. His face was covered in smoke, dirt dried onto his face with sweat, but his eyes were so full of pain and guilt that she barely noticed.

"What the hells happened?" she managed tearfully. He didn't reply, instead bursting into the sobs he'd tried so hard to hold in all night. Sam simply joined him on the sofa and embraced the man tightly as if he was an upset child. "Please Fletch," she soothed, "you're scaring me."

Tom entered the room with tea, looking at his wife with shock and sadness.

"Did you know he was coming?" he mouthed silently over the nurses shoulders. Sam simply shook her head softly, and then pulled away from Fletch as his crying ceased.

"I'm sorry," he managed, "I shouldn't have come here and flung this all on you."

Tom picked up his mug from the coffee table, smiling at his wife reassuringly before leaving the room quickly, departing into the bedroom again. There was no way he was going to sleep any more tonight, but he knew Sam and Fletch didn't need an audience.

"Don't be silly," she replied, sighing with relief as her husband left the room. "Zoe text me, I sort of expected you to come."

"I've messed everything up," he mused, apparently lost in a world of his own.

"Why don't you get a shower and some rest?," Sam concluded, knowing she was going to get little coherency from the devastated man tonight. "Then in the morning we can talk."

Fletch just nodded, no energy to argue with his friend.

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><p>The Dutch sky was brightening as Sam finally let the adrenaline she felt be overtaken by tiredness. She climbed into bed once again, smiling weakly at her sleeping husband beside her. She'd never been more grateful for this wonderful man than tonight, the way he knew just what to do, how exactly to handle what had happened. She was even more grateful as the man stirred, taking in his wife's appearance before wiping the drying tears from her eyes and pulling her into his embrace before falling asleep again.<p>

She was lucky to have so much, she mused, as the picture of an exhausted Fletch sleeping on their sofa played on her mind.

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><p><strong>I lack the ability to write fluff, so unfortunately this is incredibly depressing. Part two will be a little more lighthearted, and will be up TOMORROW so you won't have to wait too long! <strong>

**Chapter 13 (?) of Painful Reminder is part written so that will be up soon. I'm also writing a Lily one-shot but I'm not sure if I'm going to finish it yet ;) Anyway, thank you for reading!**


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